A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed "To Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I have been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because all of her piercings, tattoos, and tight motorcycle clothes - plus the fact that she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad ... she's pregnant.

Stacy said we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We will be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that near live nearby for Cocaine and Ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love your son,
Bobby

P.S. - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that is in the top drawer of my desk. I love you. Call me when it is safe to come home.